The Ordinary Story of How I Learned to Be Charming (And Met Mark)

A story about going from feeling small in rooms to being the person everyone wants to talk to. Read time 7 minutes.

Dec 12, 2025

On Tuesday, I told you about watching Jeff work a room in Chicago—how he transformed from meeting to meeting, adapting to whoever was in front of him.

That trip changed how I understood charm. But understanding something and actually doing it are different.

Today I want to tell you about the first time I really used what I learned—and how one conversation with a stranger at a conference changed my entire business.

1. Here’s the thing I wanted:

I wanted to stop feeling small in rooms.

For most of my life, I’d sit at dinners and barely say a few words. Not because I had nothing to say, but because I didn’t feel good enough… Interesting enough… Like I belonged there.

I didn’t know what to talk to people about. Conversations felt awkward. I felt awkward.

Then I watched Jeff in Chicago and something shifted: charm isn’t about being the most interesting person in the room. It’s about being the most interested.

But I didn’t really understand what that meant until I met Mark…

2. Here’s how I did it:

The Setup: ECRM Conference, some hotel in Jacksonville, Florida

I was 25 years old, standing alone at a buyers conference in Florida.

I’d spent my savings… every dollar I had… to manufacture 5,000 units of a nail polish holder called Polish Pal. I made the sell sheet. I bought the display. I designed the poster. I flew across the country by myself.

I was terrified.

I came from a family of real estate entrepreneurs, but none of them knew anything about beauty or nail polish or selling a product. I was completely out of my depth.

ECRM is a conference where they match make you to meet with buyers from retail stores—Nordstrom, TJMaxx, all the ones we know—in hopes they’ll buy your product for their shelves.

The oh-shit moment was realizing that while I didn’t know anyone and was the youngest person there… everyone else seemed to already know each other.

Meet: “The Guy Next to Me”

The stand next to mine was run by this grey-haired, kinda unkept guy in his early-70s selling a really cute nail polish product with flowers in it called Blossom Beauty.

Over the first few days, I noticed something: every buyer already knew him really well. They’d greet him warmly. They barely talked business. It was like they were catching up with an old friend.

Meanwhile, I was nervously pitching my product to strangers who didn’t know me from anyone.

So one day, I walked over to meet him.

The Big Moment

I looked at his product… this delicate, feminine flower design…

and then looked at him. Sharp contrast.

A grey-haired guy in his 70s with a really cute flower product?

I saw his name tag: “Mark Friedman”

I grabbed mine and held it up next to his.

“Mark Friedman… Alex Friedman… are we secretly related?”

He laughed. “Lithuanian Jew?”

“No, Ukrainian Jew.”

“Ah, guess not! But I’m Mark.”

I introduced myself, and eventually pointed at his product, then back at him. “So… how did THIS happen?”

He laughed. And then he started talking.

Mark told me his parents owned the number one nail polish manufacturer in North America. All the products in Vietnamese nail salons? Those came from them.

He’d sold the business two years earlier. Retired. Then his brother-in-law came to him with this flower nail polish idea. Mark was bored, so he said yes.

I kept asking: “So why are you here if everyone already knows you?”

“It’s easier to see everyone in one shot than to fly around the country.”

Then I asked about the sale, about retirement, about what it was like working with family. Every answer led to another question.

That opened the door.

The Next Few Days

Over the course of the week, Mark and I became friends.

He’d coach me on things. Tell me stories about the industry. Ask me for advice on how to talk to his kids, who were my age.

I’d ask him about his life. His parents. How the business worked. What buyers actually cared about.

We’d talk about life.

By the end of the week, I asked him to mentor me.

He said: “Alex, I’m too old and tired to mentor you. But I’m going to introduce you to Shawna, my head of sales. She’ll mentor you as a favor to me.”

And she did.

Shawna helped me get vendor agreements with Forever 21 and Urban Outfitters. She coached me on branding. She introduced me to buyers and told me exactly what to do.

That purely chance meeting… being put next to each other at a conference… changed my entire career trajectory.

3. Here’s what it cost me:

`Ego`

You can’t center yourself if you want to be charming. You have to let other people shine.

At that conference, I could have spent every conversation talking about my product, my vision, my story. But I didn’t…

I wanted to learn. I asked Mark about his life, I listened more than I talked, and I made it about him. Then, I only pitched when appropriate.

I had to be willing to not be the expert. To admit I didn’t know things. To ask for help.

That’s uncomfortable when you’re 25 and trying to prove yourself.

But it’s also what made Mark want to help me.

That takes ego out of the equation.

Attention

You have to actually be engaged. Listen. Nod. Smile. Be authentically present.

You can’t fake this. If you’re asking questions just to check a box, people feel it.

With Mark, I was genuinely fascinated. A 70-year-old guy with a flower nail polish brand? How did that happen? I had to know.

4. Here’s why it worked:

I genuinely believed Mark was interesting

After watching Jeff, my mindset shifted: every person I meet could be the most interesting person I’ve ever met. It’s my job to find out what makes them that.

With Mark, I didn’t have to fake it. A grey-haired guy with a flower product? I HAD to know how that happened. That curiosity was real. And that’s what opened the door.

You can’t be performative if you truly believe anyone can be fascinating.

I adapted to meet him where he was

Mark was in his 70s. I was in my 20s. We had nothing in common on paper.

So I didn’t try to pretend I was older or more experienced. I just met him where he was. Asked about what he cared about. Matched his energy.

Jeff’s lesson from Chicago in action: be a chameleon without losing yourself.

I gave him something he wanted… to feel heard

All any of us want is to feel like our stories matter.

Mark had built an empire. Sold it. And now he was kind of just… there. When I asked about his life with genuine curiosity he lit up. He had stories to tell, and I wanted to hear them.

That’s the real key: when you make someone feel seen and important, they want to help you. Not because you asked, but because you made them feel good.

You never know who you’re sitting next to

I could have ignored Mark. I could have focused only on pitching buyers or networking with people who looked more “important.”

But I didn’t… I just talked to the guy next to me

And that one conversation changed my business.

Mark taught me what Jeff had shown me but I hadn’t fully internalized: relationships are everything and you never know who you’re sitting next to.

5. Now go:

This week, try this:

Find someone you wouldn’t normally talk to … different age, different background, different industry… and make them feel like the most interesting person in the room for five minutes.

Ask them about their life. Go deeper. Actually listen.

You never know who you’re sitting next to.

Bonus: What I Learned From Mark That Jeff Didn’t Teach Me

Jeff showed me that charm is adaptability.

Mark showed me that charm is generosity.

When you make someone feel seen, important, and interesting—they want to help you. Not because you asked, but because you made them feel good.

That’s the real power of charm. It’s not manipulation. It’s connection.

Next Tuesday: The Genius Guide to Determining How Much Effort to Put Into Friendships

P.S. Mark passed away a few years ago. I think about him often… not just because of what he did for my business, but because he taught me that one conversation with a stranger can change everything.

If this resonated, hit reply and tell me about an unlikely friendship that changed your life. I read every response.

Writing from Austin, still grateful for Mark and that chance meeting in Florida,

Alex

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